& the world spins madly on.....

You would think after yesterday, 
that I would be hurt or upset or something. 
But the only thing I wanted to do.....
was talk to someone else. 
You weren't that someone else - and you never will be. 
I realize that. So this is where I quit. 
I just want to pause. rewind...and have a chance to start over. 
This isn't who I am. 
And the only reason it is, is because I tried to be something I'm not. 
I've been thinking about all the time I've let go by sitting on that couch. 
Wasted time - because in the end, it won't mean anything. 
And I know it doesn't mean so much to you now, nor do I have the time to wait and see if it will. 
I can't be here forever. 
It means so much to me though, and not in the way you'd think.
You're just another boy who never thought of me.
I'm aware of that. 
But last night I just kept thinking of someone else. 
Supposedly I'm not to care about what others think, 
but let's face it - you have too. 
You say you don't - but you always have. Always. 
I have to care too though - it's the same reason I spent all this time running. 
You have to care what others think.
I think of The Fountainhead.
Howard Roark, how'd you do it?
The message from that book is in challenging society in the end, he still got what he wanted. 
He had to fight until the end though and.....
And I don't want to fight anymore. 
I quit. I quit. 
So let the world spin madly on.
And let The Weepies tell you....
this is how i feel. 

"Woke up and wished that I was dead
With an aching in my head 
I lay motionless in bed
I thought of you and where you'd gone
and let the world spin madly on

Everything that I said I'd do 
Like make the world brand new
And take the time for you
I just got lost and slept right through the dawn 
And the world spins madly on

I let the day go by 
I always say goodbye
I watch the stars from my window sill 
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still

Woke up and wished that I was dead 
With an aching in my head 
I lay motionless in bed
The night is here and the day is gone
And the world spins madly on

I thought of you and where you'd gone 
And the world spins madly on."

--But this is just another autobiography, examining the prosopography of me.
By: Emma Marie.

AP World History Test Prep {for an idiot}

Dear Idiot Self, 
It's the entire world's history for crying out loud....roughly 4,000 + years of history. 
Did you think you could memorize it all in one night?
Yes, yes, yes I suppose you did. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
For crying out loud it took God seven days to create the earth and you thought in seven hours you could memorize ever dynasties, governments, social classes, human beings, calamities, wars, whatevers - way it came into existence and how it happened? 
Well.......maybe you thought wrong. 
Ah, but perhaps maybe you thought right?
Perhaps. Perhaps. 
So self, get studying. 
Pray for me?
--Love, Self

--But this is just another autobiography, examining the prosopography of me.
By: Emma Marie.

A Letter

To the boy that remembered me, 

I know that this will probably never work and that there will never be a "right" time for you and I. What else is a romance though? Then to love someone when there is no chance of that love ever thriving. So, can we have our little romance? Just for a summer at least? 

When we'll lay there just you and I counting the cloud shapes in our summer skies. For those moments where the world will stop spinning just to pause and look at us. We'll have all sorts of adventures. We won't have to worry what the world thinks - because they won't matter. In a few short months we'll just start over. Playing a game of limbo between some past life and some future ambition. 

 I've found myself in your eyes and every day I hope that you can see yourself in mine. This is just a dream though, just a lovely little romance where I keep hoping, can you see that I like you?

It's amazing how I've known you for years and I still get butterflies in my stomach. I always pause to take little snapshots of the moments we have together. The more I'm around you the more I realize, we'd be imperfect together - but that would create perfection. 

I don't think that they'll ever be a "right" time for me to tell you any of this. And really, it's not that I am afraid of telling you, I'm afraid that you won't say it back. Then I'll have to stop dreaming and laughing and loving you, and that just won't do. 

So maybe I'm afraid to jump, because I'm to afraid to fall and not have you there to catch me as you have been for so long. All of this might seem cliche, but I guess what I'm trying to say is this: I like you.

It's hard to think that I'll never get the chance to say this. 
So I want to say it, even if you'll never see. 

With much love, 
Emma Marie

--But this is just another autobiography, examining the prosopography of me.
By: Emma Marie.