"I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me, confused by the grace that so fully he proffers me."
In all honesty, I have never really had a love for the song "I Stand All Amazed" -- but that was simply because it never meant that much to me. I came to a point today where everything I've worked for this past year was hanging on the edge of a few stupid decisions and procrastination. I don't think that I've been that scared in a long time. I couldn't really stand and I couldn't really sit, I couldn't really pace and the only place that I could find myself was on my knees praying to my Father to help this work out.
For those of you who are in college, or for those of you who aren't -- professors don't usually make deals with students. If you didn't do/be where you were supposed to be, tough luck. Today though one of the well-known merciless professors, was gracious. I do not know why he decided to do that, but I do know who was behind it all. For that I just have to say, Thank You.
You know I have always wondered why Heavenly Father loves me so much, I see his children every day and say of course he loves them - look at them, how wonderful they are. Or I look at someone who is struggling and say, do not bless me today, give it to them instead - I can do this on my own.
The wonderful thing is, that the Lord never leaves you. Yes, it is incredibly hard to stand and say I will learn what you want me to learn, I will be what you want me to be and if you think I can overcome this challenge than by golly I can do this. It's hard to find yourself somewhere where you have to let him guide your life and you be an instrument, but it begs the question, was it really ever your life in the first place?
Today I came to the conclusion that Heavenly Father knows you so well, that he knows that the precise moment when you will not be able to stand anymore, so that when you fall he can show you He is still there and He still cares. I have a very dear friend of mine who is trying to live life without God. I cannot begin to fathom how that is even possible. In my life I spend a lot of my day learning about things that most would consider rather boring, or even gross, or even an incidental mishap in the world that it such a tiny piece of it, it doesn't matter. Have you thought about how a neuron works? It is this little impulse conduction cell and there are millions of them and inside of them there are tiny little ions, and inside of those are subatomic particles and inside of those are sub sub atomic particles and it's just endless, it something from nothing, but it's not nothing it is something. How could there not be a God? Evolution you say? So who made the Monkey that evolved from moss? Who made the moss? Who made the living cell that made the moss? Who made the planet? The big bang? What created the universe so that this big bang could have something to bang up? It's just incredible to me.
Granted thinking about all of life in this perspective makes me quite minuscule, in fact it makes me feel less important than the moss, because hey, humanity didn't evolve from me - what'd I do? And then I think, I am His child, that's what I did. I decided to come to this earth to help people and be something and gain greater light. The moss isn't going to start glowing anytime soon I would presume, so I think that makes me and the rest of you pretty important.
When I look at people, I can see the light in their eyes, in your eyes. Now, not to be cheesy, but The Lion King, He lives in you -- and I'm not talking about Mufasa here. So what do you do with that light? I thought a lot today about if I had to write a thank you letter to my Heavenly Father what would I say? Would I write about being cooler than moss? Would I thank him for the little things like sub sub sub atomic particles? Would I thank him for using me as an instrument? Would I thank him for blessing someone else and letting me struggle a little bit more? .....and how would he write back?
The only question I could really come to answer was this, that His letter would start "My child, my child, my Emma". The picture with this post is a sketch by David Bowman, entitled "My Child" (which I didn't actually discover until today). It is one of my favorites, because it is how I picture Christ coming and hugging each and everyone of us. He will come and He will know you -- because he knows you now, but do you know him?
All I can say is that I can't wait for the day when I will hear that familiar voice say, "My child, my child, my Emma" -- as he will pull me into a warm embrace, and say "welcome home, I have missed you, oh how I love you" -- and then as I will be able to watch as my brothers and sisters come home and receive the same wonderful welcome, what a great day that will be.
I know this has been a long post, but I felt I needed to share some thoughts.
I know that god lives and that he loves us and he knows each of us personally, these past couple of weeks that phrase has been tried and tested over and over again and it still proves true.
He lives and why he lives all sing, He lives my prophet, priest and king.
[In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen]
--But this is just another autobiography, examining the prosopography of me.
By: Emma Marie.