Sometimes I question why life is so hard, and then I think about what a great gift it is.
So listen to the video above
 (even if it's on YouTube because it won't post to my blog)
And you can read this about my day if you'd like......



Today, I thought about the gospel - a lot. When you spend seven and a half hours studying the New Testament, cross referencing it with the Book of Mormon, discovering how much information is actually in the Bible Dictionary and during your break times talking about your favorite messages from General Conference, it's kinda hard not to think about it. The thought that keeps coming to mind is a scripture in 2 Nephi, chapter 4 verse 11 which reads:

"Behold, my soul delighteth in proving unto my people the truth of the coming of Christ; for, for this end hath the law of Moses been given; and all things which have been given of God from the beginning of the world, unto man, are the typifying of him." 

And the more I read the more I understand of the great atoning sacrifice He gave for me and how all things testify that Jesus is the Christ. 

I have to first share an experience before I can explain the rest of my thoughts. I was in the testing center today for three hours taking a New Testament midterm. The thing I've discovered about test taking with me is that it usually takes me twice as long as the teacher says it will and I usually get a score that is 20% higher than the class average. Is all that time worth it? I would say yes. But as I sat with my scriptures taking this test, I started freaking out. I couldn't remember one of the answers and I couldn't find it anywhere in my scriptures and at that moment where I was most afraid some random guy sat in the desk next to me and while I gave him a weary face, he smiled. Then he prayed. And I had this overwhelming feeling of love come over me. A spirit so sweet, a spirit of understanding. And I understood, I knew that the he had prayed for me. And as I sat there and took quick glances to the boy next to me for the next little while, I couldn't help but see that he began to struggle as I had, I knew how he felt, and I knew what he needed.  It was the only thing I could do. I looked at him, and humbly bowed my head to pray for him. 

I do not know if he felt my love for him at that moment, but I knew that Heavenly Father would help him. As I looked back to my scriptures, I couldn't help but think that this is how Christ feels every day. That as we sit and struggle through this test of life,he has sat in the desk next to us. He's been there, he gets it. And he prays for us, every day. For the only reason he even took the test, the most difficult test of any we will ever have to face, is so he could understand and so he could help us. 

While I turned in my test three hours later, I walked home shaking. For the greatest one who has ever walked this earth, died so that I might live. And as I look back to when I went to Israel, I think, I walked where Jesus walked. I walked where the Savior and Redeemer of both my mortal body and spirit walked. I trembled at the thought, yes, I trembled to know that for me He was crucified.  That for this imperfect being that I am, the one who could never sin took upon His shoulders all of my misdeeds that I would not have to suffer as He did. I marvel, I simply am left in awe of the great amount of love that it must have took. To say, I will bleed from every pore and feel every pain of mind and body so that Emma might live, and that you might live. He went like a lamb to the slaughter, unscathed, the son of the firstborn to be crucified by His own people. And as he hung on the cross, even the spirit of the Father, in this moment of agony, had to leave him - so that even He could know what it felt like to be truly alone. As He cried out, Abba, Father, Why hast thou forsaken me? 

Even before then, the moment where He willingly stepped into a garden to suffer greater than any one soul has suffered. As He asked His disciples, wilt thou watch with me one hour? But they did not, and He did bleed from every pore and with His own drops of divine blood sealed the atoning power. Even on the morrow, the He would be betrayed by His friends and His own people. 

Even before that moment, he dedicated His life to being about His father's business. His real father, our Father in Heaven. He healed the sick, even the lowly in spirit. He raised the dead that they might continue to bless the lives of those around them. He spoke only truth, answered every question which was asked humbly and meekly. In every way, he was a teacher, a friend, a soul so kind to those around Him - that even now it is a wonder to me how the crowd in front of Pontius Pilot's balcony could find fault with Him. For I cannot, neither could the Father, neither could Pilot who washed his hands of the deed.  He was the sinless one and yet he suffered the most excruciating pain for sins He could not be found guilty of. 

Even before then, He was a young boy teaching in the temple answering the questions of those around Him who had studied the law and it's intricacies for all their lives. He knew of His divine nobility, He had overcome the thin veil which shields us even now from feeling how close home is. He understood those things which He must do and He knew. He knew without a shadow of a doubt, of the good news, the gospel of which we have the privilege of having in our lives. 

Even before then, this Savior, the Christ, the Anointed One came to a manager. Born with the cows, sheep and roosters is how He came to this earth. It is asked, know ye not the condescension of God? I can say, I did not. But do I know now? Yes, I know now of this. That He came as a babe, the Messiah of us all to the humblest of circumstances. Even from the beginning, as it is said, the last shall be first and the first shall be last. Even as He started was even as He went, descending below station, and all things that we might live. To rise up on the third day, breaking the constraints of death itself so that all might live. That all might rise in the last day to become as the God who created us. Adam fell that men might be, and Christ died that men might live. 

For Him, He knew even from the beginning of time that this plan, this atonement, this resurrection would glorify the Father. We agreed in Heaven to this, to such a test as we now go through. 

And as I thought of all of this, I thought back to the boy who say next to me and smiled. That He even as Christ, considers me, just this simple girl named Emma, His friend, His family. That He considers me so precious that He would go through the hardest test of all, that I might live. 

And I think to myself, what a gift mortality is.