It's 12:15, 12:20 according to my computer clock, 

which I did not, until recently, discover was set five minutes fast. 

Thanks memory, that was a good thing to forget. 

I believe that 12:15 calls for honesty especially when I have to work in less than eight hours. 

I am terrified about being velcro. 

I'm terrified that I found the kind of love that everyone talks about. 

The kind of love where you laugh together at the silly things, 

where please and thank you matter. 

And where your heart is worried because you wondering if they'll be safe driving your car out to a ward camp out in the middle of no where Payson. 

The person that you have tickle fights with and laugh, 

and cry because you realize you are so happy, 

 that all you want to do is whisper how much you love them. 

That for once in your life, 

you've found someone who reminds you that there is a certain happy in the world, 

a happiness that is silly and ridiculous and blissful. 

That you keep just falling in love with them every day, 

not all at once, 

and certainly not completely quite yet. 

It's a like velcro, 

both sides are different, 

but every day is reminder that life is better when you have each other, 

to hold onto, 

to be stuck too. 

And well, 

it's just all so confusing, 

and well I'm terrified. 

Because frankly, because I've never really been velcro. 

I've always been a shoelace, tied together, but not enough where it couldn't be undone without to much pain or effort. 

This velcro thing....it's scares me. 

12:29 - it calls for bedtime.

12:34 computer time.  

I know it's a box, 

with grey and white lines, 

and some words or so. 

But you know what those highlighted blue ones mean?!?

......it means I've completed all the summer assignments, 

for

BEING AN R.A.

I am so excited for this, I look forward to those seventy-three girls coming my way, 

in just over a month. 

The countdown is coming, 

it's coming with fishing line. 

It comes with tags. 

It's coming with tissues paper, 

boxes and bags. 

And I'm puzzled, and I'm puzzled,

and tickled blue too!

My RA homework is finished, 

and I'm so excited for you....well....erm, them. 

So, tomorrow begins another ten-hour shift at Vivint, but you see there is so, so so, 

SO, very much more to look forward too. 

This guy makes everything about life wonderful. 

Not to say that I hate life or anything, I love a lot about it. 

There are just some things, well let's say that I don't appreciate as much as I should. 

So what he does is he takes all those under appreciated things of mine, and makes them better. 

For instance expressions, or elbows, or exercise.
And well just Emma, he makes me better.
And maybe all my bloggers out there are getting sick of my silly posts about Stephen.
But, right now that's all there is.
Is Stephen and Summer and....well Account Creation (yay Vivint!)
But,
really,
I guess it comes down to this,
as Buddy the Elf said it best,
"I'm in love! I'm in love! And I don't care who knows it"

After taking my cold hand in his hands, 

(ice cream does that to a girl you know)

While he cradles my hand in one he taks the other and wraps his little finger around mine. 

It's his way of saying, I promise to love you as long as you love me. 

It's why I love holding his hand so much. 

And I remember why I love him. 

Inside, it is unknown. 

Most days I feel like an outsider in my own skin. 

Alienated from my own life.

Learning so much, that all of this seems so strange and unfamiliar. 

My body spends so much time trying to wake itself up, reality seems far away. 

......I'm waiting for it just, check.

I keep hoping for that reality check. 

I think it's about admitting to myself that, 

"it is okay to feel how I feel, it is okay to just move forward"

I think it's all I've ever wanted was to be an insider. 

I want to wake up to reality and find out that it is okay to be a kid, to have adventures, to take fun pictures with a group of crazy girls, to do something outside of my comfort, to laugh and not be afraid or forced to laugh, to not have to grow up to fast, to be a young soul, to wake up and just take my own way, not having to report to anyone because I feel like I have to do so, 

to not feel like I am pretending to exist in this life of mine. 

I think I am living someone else's dream. 

I want to get lost in an airport and be all alone. 

I want to fly to a different country, sleep in a tent and wake up to an African sunrise. 

I want to raft down a river with a people I don't know and not have to belong. 

I want to take a road trip with my best friend. 

I want to live a life and not have to worry about all that I left behind. 

I want to be a free spirit, blowing wild and free. 

The fact of the matter is what I want, is probably not what He wants. 

It's a tough thing taking your life, all your wants, or dreams and just sort of handing them over.  

I won't tell you it isn't hard. 

I will tell you it's worth it. 

Today the question was asked, 

"Have you considered giving up Africa?"

My heart got all fluttery, my eyes started to water, and of all the things I didn't know if I could give up that. 

So I'm doing this thing next semester - it's called being an RA. 

Yippee! I couldn't be more excited! 

I look forward to meeting those seventy-three girls, pretty much every day. 

On the other hand I get to spend all summer preparing for it, 

which at times is stressful. 

So these little babies are a decoration demo, 

so if you come and visit me in the fall you may find a few of these. 

BECAUSE THEY PASSED

and they are incredibly easy to make. 

Total cost of one of these babies: $1.08. 

Wanna learn how to make them yourself? 

For the Tutorial - CLICK ME!

"Mind the Gap"

It's a phrase used on trains when crossing from one train car to another. 

When I look back over the past year of my life, I think I forgot about the gap. 

I was going from one point in my life to another, 

with the high speed commotion of everyone else's life happening around me. 

When I realized that gap was there, that I was standing on the middle connectors of the train car wibbling and wobboling around trying to figure heads or tails of which way I was going. 

After one crazy first year of college, sorting out family issues, and finally being "official" 

(I don't really understand this official thing, do I need a license to date someone or something? It's just a decision you make together)

Well, 

I am now 

HERE in life. 

Yes, I remember it's there, but it doesn't bother me as much.

.....and I don't really mind the gap anymore.